I like to look at new years as literally as possible. It is merely just a new year. The problems we have, bills we must pay, friends we keep all stay the same. They do not reset because the calendar must be changed, instead you only get to use this time as an excuse to pretend to do something about your situation. We all know the obvious ones, going to the gym, eating healthier, etc. These "resolutions" are nothing more than horduevrs of bad conversation between people that have not done anything in the past 12 months to alter their lives. For me, I wish only to change one thing.. myself. I want to be honest with myself, honest to the ones I love, a better person. I want to stop having to ask my family for money to waste on drinking with friends. I want my brother and sister to stop looking down on me and wonder if I am really okay. I want to be okay. I want to move out of my parents house. I want to fall in love again with the girl I keep thinking about, not the girl I am with. I want to be kind and restore what little decency I see in the world. I want to extend my knowledge of the subjects I care about. I want to learn french. As mentioned, I shouldn't need a change of year for me to realize this. I should do this throughout my life. If we do not constantly try to make ourselves better then we can not truly say we lived a full life. I want to use all of my brain, not a fraction of it. I wish never to be held back by my body or mind. I want to be more creative. I know what I must do in order for all this to happen, yet why haven't I started to do it?
Fear
